I don't want to understand
by The Mortal Sword
Summary: What if Remus never forgave Sirius for tricking Snape into going to the Whomping Willow? Slightly AU


**Hey so this is my first ever fanfic! I'm a bit nervous, so any reviews would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy!**

Remus P.O.V.

Heavy breathing. Dry lips. Silent Tears. Sweaty hands clenched in fists. Jaw locked. Eyes staring into the mirrors glossy surface unseeing, yet disbelieving.

He betrayed you.

The anger surges from a place you don't know. It fills you to the brim, and your body starts to shake. You've never felt like us before. You've never felt this betrayal, this disgust. Not since you first became a werewolf anyway.

But here it is- years and years worth of this ignored anger reaches the surface, like a volcano about to erupt. You can't help yourself, one name leaks from between your lips. Not just any name- his name. The one who left you like this; the one who caused this pain and anger.

Sirius Orion Black.

He told Snape where to find you; knowing full-well the state you'd be in. He risked Snapes life- and yours- for a joke. Is that all you are to him- a joke?!

You grit your teeth. He said he loved you. He said he'd never hurt you; that he'd never betray you. And you believed every word. You swallowed every single word, like a man in the desert clings to his last drop of water. The sweet nothing's meant nothing. But man were you fooled.

He even chased you down the hall to the hospital wing, screaming apologies and begging for forgiveness. But you met his stare- your eyes, once golden and full of light- we're now dark and lifeless. It scared him. You know it did. James and Peter looked at him with anger! and barely hidden disgust. You're glad that they are with you. But they aren't Sirius.

The tears keep flowing. You get so angry. Without realising it, you send a fist flying into that mirror. The mirror that reflects your pathetic figure. You smash it, sending tiny fragments glittering like rain, pouring onto the bathroom floor.

Your fist is bleeding. You don't care. You can bear the pain.

Sirius P.O.V.

You hear it. The shattering of glass that comes from behind the locked bathroom door. James and Peter, deep in their ignorant slumber, don't hear it. But you do. And it's your fault that your love is in pain.

Lying in bed, feeling sorry for yourself, all because you are a low-life traitor. You broke his heart. All for a prank. A joke. A show of masculinity. But was it worth it? No at all.

You still remember the moment you fully realised what you'd done. When you looked into Snapes eyes and saw the fear, you thought you were high and mighty. You felt so smug, and then you turned around and you saw it. James looking at you with anger and disgust, his glare piercing you like a thousand knives. Even Peter- childish peter- was looking at you like you were nothing. That hurt. But then you realised what you had done. So we waited outside the Whomping Willow until daybreak- so you could see him.

'Remus'. The name runs between your lips on a gasped breath. You love him. He despises you. You remember the look in his eyes as he stormed past you that morning. The look of cool hatred- of anger. But that you could deal with. But it was the glint in his eyes- the glint of betrayal; the glint of a broken heart. That's what hurt you. The world crashed around you, and you chased after your lifeline. You followed Remus back to the castle and down the halls, screaming your sorrows when you knew it was pointless. Remus' cold stare with lifeless eyes told you that. So you stopped at the door- you couldn't get in if you tried- and watched as your love was put into medical care, taking your heart with him.

You're lying In bed, covers clenched tight tears pouring in an endless stream, because deep down,you know you deserve every single one.

~the next morning~

No P.O.V.

The sun shines through the scarlet curtains, trying desperately to light the misery within the dorm room. But it's not enough. Heated glares are shot into one boys soul, while the another tries to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. No words are spoken- nothing to say. No laughs. No jokes. Just anger, hurt, pain and sorrow. James and Peter leave first- "Come on Remus. Let's go." "I'll be down in a minute"- leaving Sirius and Remus alone in the dorm room.

The door shuts with a soft thud; a deafening sound in the quiet room. Glances are thrown until eyes meet. "Remus...I'm so-". "No, Sirius" Remus mutters, shutting Sirius up straight away, "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear you apologise; I don't want to hear you scream your love. I don't want to hear it, because simply, I don't care anymore. You betrayed my trust, Sirius, and you broke my heart. I gave myself to you, I trusted you completely and gave you everything. And what did you do?" Remus stared at Sirius, who looked down- breaking eye contact. Fuelled by his anger, 'how dare he play the victim', Remus rampaged on. "I'll tell you what you did. You broke me, Sirius. So, no. I don't care about how sorry you are. I don't want to listen. I don't want to understand. I don't want to forgive. I'm done with you." With that final blow to the weakened Sirius, Remus turned to leave. Sirius whispered "But I love you...",halting Remus' movement. With one hand on the doorframe, Remus replied "We may be friends someday,Sirius, but we will never be lovers again." And with that, Remus left, feeling empowered. He heard Sirius's broken sobs. But he didn't look back.


End file.
